Sooo yeah, it’s been a while since I started writing and doing tumblr things. I’ve started this journey since my jhs, maybe, kinda forget but doesnt matter anyways. Now, I’m a college student. And this year I’m 23. Old? Relative I think. Maybe more pleasant when you say, grown. This year I’ll graduate from my college, from my majors, denstistry. I don’t know why I choose this path. At first, I just want to be someone who can do anything. Who can buy anything without looking at the pricetags. Who can help others with just nothing, just from their capability, without spending money at first place. When I told my teachers about this, they just told me “Be a doctor, that will help”. But, I’m not confident enough. Because I’m not that smart. I’m kinda “slow” from others. Even in my family, I kinda backward. Fyi, my mom is a doctor. And my sister too. My sister, yeah she’s special. From young, she winning manys championship. She’s very smart, beautiful, and slender. Yeah all good things from our parents DNA belongs to her. But, I’m not jealous of her. Really, I love her. Because, I’ve always sees her someone who I can depend on. And reality, yes, she is.
Back to the topic. When I have to pick what majors should I choose on my test, I kinda confused. I really don’t know what to choose. I just want to be someone who success in life. I’ve asked god too ofc. And yeah my heart just pick it, denstistry, in 2 university. Why dentistry? Maybe because, they call dentist a doctor too. And at that time I think, maybe it’ll not as hard as medical school. What others want me to choose, but me, ofc, refused it. Later, I’ve filled my paper and doing my test. On my country, it called SBMPTN. It’s such a national university test that many senior high school graduate who will continue their study to college takes it. It’s a big test. On my year, 2016, about +-180.000 students takes the test. And only +-127.000 students pass it. And I’m one of them. Cool? Nah. I’ve had many trouble when take the test. I was stuck in a traffic when I went to the test site. I’m crying, I think I cannot make it on time. But, God really loves me. I arrived on time. 2 minutes before the test began. It’s miracle. Many student came late because of the heavy traffic. Next problem is, because of the sudden experience that I had, my heart was a mess. I kinda forgot anything that I prepared for this test. My hands was shaking. I’m trembling. Fortunately, my mother always by my side. She convienced me that I can. I will pass this test. Just do what you can and let God do the rest. And yeah I did that. 1 month after the test day, the result was announce. It’s such a miracle you know I’m still passed it. Even after all this time, I always think why God pick me than other people. Who have much more ability, power, courage to do this path. But still, God pick me. Maybe He thinks I’m more than what I think. More than I feel.
After the announce, I’ve faced another problem. Yeah the university that accepted me, are in the other city. So, I have to live alone. On my dorm. Far from my family. But, thats why God giving problems does not exceed their ability. In this new life, I met new people. New friends. New family. Their just like a diamond in a blurry black muddy lake. Without them, I feel I cannot make it. Because, y’all, dentistry was sooooo hard. SO SO HARD. It feels I’m trapped. I have to be smart too in this field. I have to be patient. I have to have special ability. It’s really difficult than what you can imagine. But, still, I managed. I survived. I’m glad.
This year, 2020, I will graduate. From my college. Please pray for me. Cause there’s still many problems that’ll comes to me. And I know for sure. Because it’s life. Just go with it and youre destiny will come to you.
So, for my future self who will read it later,
You did a great job. Just remember the good things. The phase that you’ve faced. You really deserved happy smile. You really makes your parents proud. You can sad sometimes, but please back to happy again. Smile again. Laugh again. I’m proud of who I am now. And always proud of who later I’ve become. Hard times always comes, but remember rainbow always comes after rain.
A, 2020.
